


"... Let Me At Least Keep My Lip Ring, Man..."

by zkxxdlin



Series: The Devil Wears Pullovers [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demons, Bickering, Demon!Baekhyun, Demon!Chanyeol, Demon!Junmyeon, Demons Getting Sent To Earth, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 12:13:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16284419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zkxxdlin/pseuds/zkxxdlin
Summary: “W—Wha—“ Baekhyun gasped, “you’re banishing me to mortal life, with /him/?!”Chanyeol only scoffed, “it’s /your/ fault, dumbass.”, which, unfortunately, went ignored.“... Can’t you at least give me my lip ring? I look like a fucking twink.”





	"... Let Me At Least Keep My Lip Ring, Man..."

“I swear to _Master,_ Park, that I’ve never, _never_ hated anyone as much as I have hated you.” The seemingly harsh, almost _vile_ words spilling out of thin, blood red lips would have cut probably, no, _definitely_ cut through the heart, the _soul_ of any living person on Earth. However, seeing as though they were spat out by someone much, _much_ shorter than himself (four inches is a substantial _lot,_ okay?), moreover, having heard the _exact_ same words, said in the _exact_ same tone _countless_ other times, Park Chanyeol could say that he had grown completely and utterly _numb_ to the perhaps stinging words.

Rolling his eyes, the taller of the two only pulled his arms across his chest, folding the thick give of his forearms across one another as he cocked his hips to the side, head lolling back in the exasperation brought about by the other person’s unrelenting barrage of (honestly? _pathetic)_ insults.

“—rytime, every _single_ fucking time, it’s always _your_ stupid fault! I can’t be—”

Eyebrows furrowing in slight annoyance at the incessant _yapping_ of the smaller man, Chanyeol’s eyebrows quickly furrowed as his tongue almost _instinctively_ clicked.

“It’s actually _your_ fault, dumbass,” Chanyeol snarked, lips curling up around the edges as the irritation seeped through his skin, unabashedly showcasing themselves along the frown lines along his face. The result was instantaneous, for the other, _shorter_ man (honestly, with _that short_ of a stature, how in _Hell_ was he even _one_ of _them?)_ had quickly turned around, lips parted, ready to retaliate.

But _thankfully,_ Chanyeol had beat him to it.

~~Honestly speaking, he’d have _killed_ himself (as impossible as that was) if he were to subject himself to even _one_ more second of hearing the little pipsqueak _nag._ ~~

“If it honestly wasn’t for your petty, _pathetic_ need to _“prove yourself”_ , when it’s clear in _Hell_ who the better one of us two is, we wouldn’t have ended up in this predicament in the first place!” Chanyeol snapped, voice growing growing a notch louder as he glared back at the smaller, _equally fuming_ man, blood red staining his pupils ferociously swirling about his eyes, veiling them a brighter, more _livid_ red.

The taller was only responded with an enraged huff, the other man clearly angered, if the way his hands had immediately perched themselves on the give of his hips, strained fingers rucking away the delicate fabric of his characteristic black and gold striped blazer, something that was completely _uncharacteristic_ of him.

… Byun Baekhyun had never, _ever,_ treated his prized jacket with such coarseness, such _carelessness._

… He’s probably really, really, _really_ mad.

 _“You’re_ _the one who started this!”_ came the shrill yell, the sound echoing about loud enough about the sparsely furnished… _landscape_ (?), _ringing_ in Chanyeol’s ears. The taller of two _instantly_ shrunk in on himself, hands swiftly coming up from where they were perched on his chest to cup over his ears, fingers pressing down on the fold of his ears in a vain attempt at soothing the _hurt_ brought about by Baekhyun’s scream.

The midget may be _tiny,_ but _fuck,_ could he fucking _scream._

“Fucking _shit,_ Byun Baek _hyun!”_ Chanyeol yelled, tone berating, disbelieving at the sheer strength of the smaller’s voice, terrified eyes blinking open as his eyebrows furrowed, gaze focused on the fuming other. “Tone it the _fuck_ down, would you?!”

The other man, _Baekhyun,_ that is, had only scoffed once again, eye roll exaggerated under the faint lighting provided by the sparse, haphazardly situated flames. The lighting in the, well, _landscape_ that they were in (for Chanyeol could not actually _see_ any walls, per se, for the darkness had only continued on to bleed, and bleed, and _bleed_ forever and _ever)_ was _terrible._

Honestly, sure, okay, yeah, the faint, orange glow that surrounded them had further fed into the seemingly widely accepted notion that _this_ was what Hell was like. You know, their only source of light coming from burning, endless flames that, for some reason or another, would _never_ die out, along with the deep, dark colours of ebony, coal, onyx, midnight, obsidian—

 _Black,_ okay? The colour _black._

… There was really _nothing_ _else_ but black—… okay, not really, there were a few reds, but that was _it._

And _damn,_ was it _so boring._

The design (if you could even call it that, that in itself would have been an insult to the word _design_ itself) had been decided by none other than _Him;_ their leader, the _current ruler of Hell,_ of sorts. Yup, _Him,_ the _Ruler Of All Hell,_ the _Man Whose Eyes Will Kill You With One Gaze,_ the M _an Whose Soul Is The_ **_Darkest_ ** _, The Most_ **_Evil_ ** _, The Most_ **_Terrifying_ ** _._

… Pfft, _yeah, riiiiiiiiight._

… Unless you counted fluffy cheeks and rounded eyes and small men with short statures _(*cough* Byun Baekhyun *cough*)_ to be _oh so terrifying,_ then _Kim Junmyeon_ would most definitely scare the living daylights out of everyone.

But as it turns out, _that_ was the one thing that was _not_ widely accepted as part of what has been deemed “Hell Culture”, _ironically_ so. The one thing actually being true, with the abundance of tiny Demons present in Hell, was also the single, _lone_ thing that was actually, in fact, _true_ (authentic, genuine, legitimate, correct, and all other synonyms Chanyeol _knows_ he knows but they’re just not coming to him right now), was also the single, lone thing that was _rejected._

How ironic.

… Not like it affects Chanyeol in any way whatsoever, considering how he was the complete _opposite_ of that demographic, fitting into the Taller, Stronger, _Scary Buff Lords_ instead (something which, if he had to admit it, he was undoubtedly _proud_ of, even if Junmyeon could kick his ass).

But anyway, back to the present.

“—as the one who egged me on, huh? Who was the one who continued after me, huh? Who was the o—”

_“Enough!”_

…

…

…

… _Silence._

Pure, pin-drop, _silence._

The pair instantly froze, limbs freezing up as a cold, _chilling_ wind resounded, _howled_ about in the almost empty space, the yell ringing, echoing in the abrupt, _eerie_ silence. Heavy servings of frustration, of exasperation, of utter, unadulterated _anger_ laced themselves in the tone of voice, sending an numbing, ironically _icy_ chill to climb up the spines of the two Demons.

The characteristic sound of sharp, pointed boots clicking, gracefully so, against the solid flooring of the space, the pattern in which the sounds had reverberated about clearly belonging only to one person and _one_ person only, immediately had the two of their spines straightening, lips sealing.

It was only when they felt a sudden, overwhelmingly _looming_ presence situated to Chanyeol’s right (and, by extension, Baekhyun’s left), did their spines freeze again, terror beginning to leak into the swirling reds of their eyes as _His_ presence made itself known.

… did Chanyeol say that Kim Junmyeon was not terrifying? Yeah? No, no no no, he was just kidding, c’mon, it was a _joke—_

“You fucking _idiots!”_

… KimJunmyeonIsActuallyFucking _Terrifying._

“... I thought I could handle you two,” Junmyeon, _He,_ continued, the _roaring_ mellowing down to a quiet, almost _inaudible_ murmur, the sudden drop in volume sparking yet another chill to run up the spines of the two cowering Demons, hinting, no, wait, scratch that, _screaming_ of the underlying _fury_ running through Junmyeon’s veins.

Chanyeol could only swallow, widened eyes zeroing in on the sleek leather of his boots, feet fiddling, toes fidgeting about rapidly to cause the tips of his boots to shuffle. His gaze didn’t falter even _once_ from where they were perched on the ground, genuinely, and _honestly_ terrified of meeting gazes with Junmyeon.

“... I really, _really_ thought that I could,” He carried on, voice softening with each syllable that slipped past his lips. “... The defying, the tardiness, the incompetency, the stupid, utterly _moronic, petty_ competition you two have _always_ been in, the purpose of which has been lost to me a long, _long_ time ago, under all this idiocy…”

… _I know you hate us but_ damn, Myeon, _calm the fuck down? At least we haven’t killed each other—_

“—but today, _today,_ is the day you prove me wrong,” Junmyeon carried on, voice rising as the anger started seeping in through the cracks, lacing themselves tightly in between the syllables, “not only did you two wreck absolute _havoc_ across the Realm, but you _almost killed each other!”_

_—… yet._

Feeling shame stain his cheeks in the form of the red blood splotching across them, Chanyeol dug his chin further into his chest as he processed, even perhaps _acknowledging_ that what Junmyeon had stated (hissed, jeered, seethed, and all that _mean_ stuff), was tr—

—… Wait…

 _“He_ was the one who _almost killed me!”_ Chanyeol yelled, head shooting up from its sullen perch on his chest, arm quickly shooting up as he pointed an accusing finger at the other, still very much _silent_ male. However, the silence from the other party did not last a _second_ longer, for Baekhyun had instantly reacted, his own head shooting up as his eyebrows furrowed, _ugly_ features scrunching up into an even _uglier_ frown _(urgh,_ Baekhyun was _so_ ugly).

“Don’t blame this on _me!”_ came the breathy exclamation, Baekhyun’s hands curling themselves into tight fists, the skin paling with each heave of his chest and breath that rushed out of his lips. _“You’re_ the one who threw the first flame!”

A gasp, _“You’re_ the one who almost _blinded_ me, you fucking _twat!”_ A snarl, “I almost fucking _crashed!”_

 _“You_ were the one who summoned a fucking _vortex_ to take away my Light, you _deserved_ to crash!”

“Why you fucking— _I want to_ kill _you so fucking badly right n—”_

“Then why don’t you do it, huh? Too _weak?”_

“Alright, that’s _it—”_

_“Shut up!”_

…

… _Silence._

~~… Yet again.~~

“The both of you, _shut the fuck up!”_

Junmyeon was heaving, eyes blown wide, furious and crazed as his pupils rapidly shifted between the two bickering Demons, harsh, rapid pants escaping through his teeth, chapped lips pulled up into a grimace.

“... I’ve had it,” He mumbled, lips pursing into a tight, thin line as a deep, shaky inhale, trembling in His still very much suppressed fury, greeted his lungs. “... I’ve _absolutely had it.”_

“... For the benefit of the Realm, for the good of the people, for my _own fucking sanity,”_ Junmyeon started, voice nothing above a mere murmur as his gaze drifted, zeroing meaningfully on the two faces, lines of terror marring their skin as their simply gazed back, anticipating, _scared._ “... For an _indefinite_ amount of time, you two will be sent to Earth—”

_“What?!”_

“—Zip it!” Junmyeon yelled, voice rising at the, although expected, extremely _unwelcome_  interruption. With his nostrils flaring, Junmyeon huffed as he clicked his tongue, head unconsciously shaking in the sheer absurdity of the situation (basically, the how-the-fuck-did-these-two-fucking- _imbeciles_ -get-called-one-of-the- _most-horrifying-Demons-to-ever-walk-the-Realm_ absurdity).

Thankfully _(oh my Master, thank-_ fucking _-fully),_ the two Demons instantly quietened down, childish whines and babyish wails halting in their pursuit out of their throats, lodging themselves in the muscle.

“... I don’t _care_ about who started it, I don’t _care_ about whatever you have to say,” Junmyeon began, voice _now_ taking on a much quieter murmur (honestly, this _did_ startle both Chanyeol and Baekhyun, because can Junmyeon, like, I don’t know, make up his mind? Why does he have to go from yelling-loud-enough-for-the-Person-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-A.K.A-Jesus-to-hear one second and then go mumble-quietly-enough-for-literally- _no-fucking-one_ -to-hear the next. Like, _c’mon, man)._ “You two are going to be sent to Earth, and I’ll be— _shut your fucking mouth and don’t fucking interrupt me_ —taking away your Powers—”

_“But whyyyyyyy—”_

“B—But _Junmyeon,_ that’s _illegal!”_

“Ugly Dumbo is wrong because technically _we’re already_ illegal, like, hi, we’re like, _Demons,_ in case any of you forgot, living in _Hell,_ where all the illegalians get sent to after their time on Earth—”

“Shut the fuck up Yoda, you fucking ugly wrinkled old lady boob—”

“Get a fucking nose job first before coming for me, you fucking Proboscis monkey—”

“At least my legs don’t look like the walking example of the y = -x2 quadratic graph—”

 _“Oooo,_ we’re talking _math_ now? Are you sure you can handle Algebra? You look like you’re fresh out of _kindergarten—”_

“Alright, _that’s it—”_

A sudden burst of pale, greyish ash surrounded the two bickering Demons, their lungs inhaling the ash in gulps, resulting in the bickering instantly dying down, replaced only by harsh, choking coughs. The two of them felt their entire bodies go into a numbing frenzy, nerves tingling as they felt an unfamiliar, almost _alien_ jolt rushing through their veins. The sensation was foreign _enough_ to send their minds collapsing in on themselves, the two Demons not being able to do anything but let the jolt run its course, silent.

However, seeing as how the unfamiliar feeling had lasted only for a few seconds, along with the cloud of ash, it hence didn’t take long for the pair to finally have their senses back, (miniscule - Junmyeon) minds building themselves back up from their muddled debris, awakening enough to process what was going on.

 _“Dude,_ Junmyeon! If you wanted to kill us just sa—”

“What the fuck was that, Myeon! I think I could have _di—”_

 

… Silence.

 

_“What the absolute fuck!”_

The uncharacteristic unison in the yell had managed to pull out a low, short chuckle from Junmyeon, who had found the entire scene in front of himself amusing (even though he was still _Hella_ pissed at being interrupted even though he _specifically_ told The Children ™ that they _shouldn’t_ interrupt him). Both Demons were still in the same positions as they were in before, but their, well, _features,_ had changed.

… Oh, they _definitely_ changed, alright.

“Junmyeon, what the fuck is going on—”

“What did you do oh my fucking _Master—”_

A stream of water instantly rushed out of the pair’s mouths, the biting cold liquid sending chilling shocks _up_ their throats as the freezing water gushed out of their mouths, incessant complains replaced by the sounds of gurgling, choking, and struggling.

… How _delightful._

“Junmyeon, wha—”

“What the fu—”

Another bout of water streaming from their lips.

“Jun—”

_“Bro—”_

Yet _another_ stream of water spraying from their mouths.

 _“Okay, okay,”_ a gasp, Baekhyun’s breath hitching as he anticipated one more stream of water to spurt out of his lips. However, nothing had happened (even though he literally only waited for like, 0.2 seconds), he immediately carried on. “We get it, we get it.”

“... Yeah, let’s stop with the water jets, alright?” Chanyeol continued on, voice scratchy and wheezy, clearly winded from the force of the water that gushed out of his mouth. “... I’malsoafiretypeyoufuckingprick—”

Chanyeol immediately gurgled, choking on _yet_ another spray of water, this time, the icy cold liquid streaming from his nose as well, which _obviously_ didn’t fair well for the Demon.

“Shit—fuck, I’m _sorry,_ oh Master, Junmyeon _I’m sorry—”_

“Fucking _shut up_ for once in your fucking lives, the _both of you,_ and we won’t have any more problems,” Junmyeon drawled, ignoring Chanyeol’s (probably, _definitely_ half-assed) apology as he flickered his gaze between the two panting, shivering Demons.

… Okay, well, he _miiiiiiiiight_ have overdone the water sports, no, wait, _ew,_ scratch that— the _water streams_ a _tiny_ bit, but the two honestly deserved it, what with their mouths never fucking stilling.

But whatever.

Fuck guilt.

The two Demons only stared back at him in obvious fear (at least, that’s what _Junmyeon_ was hoping _knowing_ that it was), his gaze meeting theirs head on as he contemplated his next words, and also took in the (long overdue) silence (and serenity, and peace, and fucking _quiet)._

But more of the latter.

“... The forms that you are in now, as the mirror shows, are going to be your, say, _Human_ forms, for the entire time you are up there,” Junmyeon explained, gesturing to the full-length mirrors currently hovering in front of the each of them. They hadn’t been there before the ash appeared, and the two Demons guessed that it had been apparated by Junmyeon himself during the time they were ~~choking~~ _coughing_ on the ash. “Obviously, you will no longer have any Demonic traits, hence the…”

At this point, Junmyeon simply gestured to the both of them, both of his hands trailing down their bodies as his head tilted to the side, eyebrows rising as the corners of his lips pulled down.

 _What the hell was_ that _supposed to mean?_

 _Oh my G that is_ so _rude._

“... anyway, you’ll be leaving for Earth tomorrow,” Junmyeon continued on, ignoring the still relatively confused expressions marring the two De—, well, _ex-_ Demons’, he’d say, faces. Pulling up the sleeves of his blazer enough for him to glance at his (fucking _empty)_ wrist, Junmyeon’s eyebrows rose as he contemplated the “time”. “... Yeah, tomorrow—”

“Junmyeon we don’t _have_ time here in Hell—”

“Park Chanyeol shut the fuck up.”

“... Okay…”

“Good.” Junmyeon breathed, lips pulling up into a bright, yet _deceiving,_ wide smile as his gaze fleeted back over to Baekhyun and Chanyeol, pupils disappearing as his eyes scrunched up into tiny crescents. “Jongin will be accompanying you, and he’ll tell you the details. For now, goodbye—”

 _“Wait!”_ came the shrill cry, shockingly desperate in its screeching. Turning around, Junmyeon only lifted one brow as he glanced back at a wide-eyed Baekhyun, the Demon’s face paling as pure terror seemed to envelope his entire being, the fear wrecking absolute _havoc_ in his brown orbs. Junmyeon instantly felt a cold chill run up his spine, the (tiny, tiny, _tiiiiiiiiiiiiiny)_ bout of humanity (left) in him forcing him to stop in his tracks, focusing his entire attention on Baekhyun and Baekhyun alone.

“... What is it, Baekhyun?”

“... Y—You…” Baekhyun stuttered, voice breaking away as he gulped, skin paling _even_ more, if that was even possible, causing Junmyeon’s own worry to bleed into outright _fear._

“... Y—You’re b— _banishing_ _me…”_ Baekhyun continued, voice nothing above a mere whisper as his pupils started to shake, arm lifting up to his side as a trembling hand closed itself into a loose fist, fingers curling inwards towards the palm, “to _mortal life…”_ he paused, trembling arm now outstretched towards the _other_ ex-Demon, hand terribly, _terribly_ shaking…

“... _With_ this _fucking idiot?!”_ The sudden harshness in the yell, and the force with which Baekhyun had used to jerk his finger, hands, arm and frame now completely and utterly stable, shaking instead with deep, suppressed fury, in the direction of Chanyeol had Junmyeon taking a double take, the leader’s eyes widening at the abrupt switch in Baekhyun’s character.

“Hey!” Chanyeol rebutted, eyebrows furrowing in displeasure as a small, tiny, almost dismissable pout graced his lips (something which Junmyeon _knows,_ that if Chanyeol were to be asked, he’d _vehemently_ deny it). “If anyone’s an idiot here, it’s _you,_ asswipe—”

Junmyeon was bracing himself for yet _another_ round of bickering, his eyes already halfway through their routine eye roll, which was why it surprised him _(damn,_ did it surprise him alright) when Baekhyun had simply ignored Chanyeol completely, the insult going over his head (or, maybe, kept for later because he’s petty like that) as he focused _just_ on Junmyeon.

“... Why yes, Baekhyun, I thought I made myself clear already,” Junmyeon replied, voice tilting up as cockiness seeped into his veins at the sight of Baekhyun progressively looking more and more panicked. “Or were you not listening?”

“Y—You can’t _do_ that!” Baekhyun exclaimed, hands now running through his honey brown (honey _fucking_ brown oh my Master) locks, the skin of his cheeks flushing a faint hint of red as anger consumed him. “And I _was_ listening, for the record. But that’s not the _point!”_

“Then what _is_ the point, Baekhyun? I have places to be, you know? Time waits for no man and all th—”

 _“Urgh, ew,_ stop with that ancient posh Western Realm talk, you sound so disgustingly pretentious—”

“Listen here you fucking gangly mutated giraffe shut the _fuck_ up before I _end you right here—”_

“As much as I want to see Chanyeol dead, I want you to listen to me and pay attention to me first—”

“Baekhyun I’m sending you two to Earth and that’s _final—”_

“But _why_ though oh my Master, Junmyeon I’ll _die_ if I have to spend even a single _whole day_ with this dumbass strawberry shortcake—”

“Shut _up_ for once in your life Park Chanyeol or I swear to Master himself that I’ll _castrate_ you—”

“Like you could even reach my balls you two feet tall midget—”

“I—I’m— _Urgh!_ Can’t you fucking _see,_ Junmyeon?! I’ll _kill_ myself if you do this!”

“All the better for me, kill each other so I don’t have to do it and I can _finally_ have some fucking peace around here—”

“What kind of leader prioritises his own well being over the lives of the two best Demons under him?”

“I can’t believe I’m agreeing with math equation right here but _yeah man,_ how the hell could you even say that?!”

“If you were in my position and you’ve dealt with absolute complete fucking _dumbasses_ like yourselves for as long as I have, you guys would have _killed yourselves_ a long, _long_ time ago—”

“Uh, no, at least _I_ wouldn’t have killed myself, but I can’t say the same about this pretty boy right here—”

 _“I’m_ not _a pretty b—_ oh yeah, Junmyeon, do I _really_ need to be in this form? Like, is this really my final human Earth creature form thing?”

“Yes, and I’m _not_ gonna cha—”

 _“But that’s not fair!”_ Baekhyun yelled, lips pursing into an exaggerated pout, foot stomping against the flooring of the space as his hands curled into fists at his sides, the (yet _another)_ sudden, abrupt change in his demeanor making Junmyeon take a double take, “Why does _he_ get to look [all cool and muscly](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/345651340128434176/?lp=true) but _I_ look like some fucking _[twink](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/384283780697281757/?lp=true)?!” _

“I have a reason for th—”

“What fucking _reason_ would justify this _injustice—”_

“A reason I’m not telling you, so stop fucking _whining_ and leave me the fuck alone before I _banish_ you two to mortal life **_forever_ ** _!”_

…

…

…

“... Let me at least keep my lip ring, man—”

_“Absolutely not.”_

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wanted to make this into a tweetfic but considering how there was no solid plot (since I wanted to write short, kinda unrelated scenes of Demons!ChanBaek getting accustomed to life on Earth), I decided to make it into a fic series instead.
> 
> You guys can hmu on Twitter, @zkxxdlin, I do tweetfics and prompts over there and we can scream about ChanBaek there!
> 
> Anyway, if you guys enjoyed this, please do leave a comment down below! I also really appreciate constructive criticism, so please do leave comments on how I can improve my writing if you see any gaps you think I could fill! 
> 
> Thank you, and stay tuned for more shenanigans! More characters will be introduced (i'll get the whole group involved, no worries!)


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